The Morose Tale of Peter Henderson

From the very first day it first touched his tongue for the very first time, Peter Henderson has adored the taste of booze. Any booze. At all. It's just about his favourite thing, second only to the wondrous sensation of losing yourself alongside sobriety as the alcohol systematically takes over your entire being. How terrifically sad, then, that Peter is really only a giant head, with no sort of system of organs or anything to process alcohol. And that his arms are so teeny, he can't really get a bottle near his lips. Thus is he consigned to a purgatory of sombre sobriety.

Also, he ugly.