The Second-to-Last Picture Show

Ike Punt: Unpleasant Furniture Manufacturer

2009-12-07T11:05:00.002-05:00

Please don't misunderstand. It's not the furniture. The furniture's fine. Hell, it's gorgeous. To die for, as the kids say. And he makes everything. Chairs, couches, tables, end-tables, stools, lamps, even lanterns! Also sofas and chesterfields, not to mention benches and sideboards and bookshelves; plus knick-knack display chests, decorative step-ladders, entertainment centres, and love-seats! He personally inspects all the wood procurement, and demands naught but the very finest animal-hide substitutions. In his hand, mere furniture becomes art - Nay - exceeds art, smashing through the glass ceiling of art to blossom into some new, fabulous hybrid of personal architecture and aesthetic glory!

It's just that he himself is a bit of a twat.

What it Really all Boils Down to.

2009-12-02T11:37:00.002-05:00

Unlike most people, Marvin doesn't have a little angel and devil living on his shoulders. Rather, he's got The Planet Lenny telling him filthy gossip about people he's never met; and then on the other side is Darin Millstrop, who yells convincingly at him about things that really aren't his fault. And if you think about it, that's all any of us really have. Because angels and devils aren't particularly real.

The Greatest Character in All of Fiction

2009-11-30T11:00:00.002-05:00

Ideal for t-shirts, tattoos, and as a model for plastic surgery! The magnificent and splendid Lobot! Able to perform complex calculations in instants, I'm guessing! Loyal to the end, probably! Friendly towards animals, one would like to think! Smooth, calm, and oh-so collected . . . the number one cat we'd all like to be or be with, in all likelihood.

Mr. Parl Steenan Paymbers

2009-11-27T10:57:00.002-05:00

There are men you can trust to return what you lend them. There are men you can trust to get you where you need to go. But when it's that one important, vital, dangerous job that needs to get done, the one job above all others whose difficulty can easily be described as astronomical, a job that can send average folks into paroxysms of spasmodic muttering, a job that simply must get done . . .

There's just one man. Mr. Parl Steenan Paymbers. Honest. Forthright. Rugged. Sombre.

Mr. Parl Steenan Paymbers.

The one man you can trust to fuck your wife.

David Pie

2009-11-25T13:09:00.002-05:00

Ever wonder why everyone likes pie? Why, for the positive attitude, of course! Take David, here. Separated from his brethren like unanesthetized siamese twins with a dull knife, the best thing he has to look forward to is maybe the soothing cool touch of some French Vanilla ice cream before being torn to pieces and devoured. Will it be slow or fast? The answer is yet unknown. And herein lies his secret: David loves a good mystery! He thrills to potentially learning the truth behind life's great unknowns. Which, for his kind, is pretty much whether you'll be eaten slowly or quickly.

However, what no one actually realizes is that David is allergic to whipped cream. Oh, tonight's dessert is going to be one for the books . . .

Poonis Krond

2009-11-20T10:43:00.002-05:00

Yes, it's easy to make fun. After all, "Poonis" is a pretty funny name. But don't you think maybe he's suffered enough? For the luvva Pete, someone dressed this poor fish up in a shirt 'n' pants! That just ain't entirely right . . .

Scort Ruggins

2009-11-18T11:44:00.002-05:00

This here's ol' Scort Ruggins. He don't look like much, but that's okay 'cause there ain't much to 'im. Scorty here was born without teeth, which may be a regular thing to do, only he didn't ever grow any in after that neither. Likes a good straw, he does. Pathologically terrified of shirts. Won't have 'em, not for nothin'! Does have one talent though, in that he's a fantastically talented mime. Sad to say, he don't ever get much use o' that, what with his mimin' with such a thick mime-accent as he's got. And folks round here ain't to fond a mime anyhow.

When he talks, it sounds mostly like a feller walkin' on empty tin cans.

Straight Outta the Record Books!

2009-11-17T10:58:00.002-05:00

It was a tight contest, with Horst Dubendreiner, the German favourite and a particularly surly rib-end, standing head and shoulders for a while above the rest of the enraged pigflesh, but it was exactly this level of competition that pushed a frustrated Fred over the edge. He threw a tantrum and a hissy-fit, and a bowling ball, and bit of Dubendreiner's left earlobe. What a winner!

Starting This Week! On TV! For sure!

2009-11-16T11:43:00.003-05:00

It's North America's favourite ne'er-do-well Brandt Treedman! He's back, and he's Not Quite a Lawyer! See Brandt Treedman slowly consider his next move! Watch Brandt Treedman attempt to defend what would be his client! Witness Brandt Treedman do what he thinks is cross-examining, but bears more resemblance to assembling a cheese sandwich! Ponder Brandt Treedman's general lack of ability!

Not Quite a Lawyer - Only on Television!

The Overlord - Tonight!

2009-11-12T11:36:00.003-05:00

A one-page comic I drew and coloured for a rock musical which I will be going to see tonight. Won't you join me?

Still not convinced? Here's my initial drawings of Blacknight and Knightgirl, in preparation for an entire page of drawings, as seen above. Notice how these preparatory drawings seem so much more fun and lively than the finished work. That's frustrating, eh?

The Knightmobile, on the other hand, looks way better in the final piece. Once again, I manage to surprise myself, for good and for ill. If only that were the car I was driving to the show. Still, no reason you shouldn't go. C'mon, take in a play! It's awesome!

Bigface Bare Bones

2009-11-10T09:31:00.003-05:00

Why, if it isn't Li'l Jimmy Bigface, only without he ain't got no skin on him. Now where on Heck's Green Earth do you think he woulda left alla that skin 'n' muscles and whatnot what usually goes to makin' up a body's body? I ast him, only he said what how it din't even matter none, as he was done in on all that jazz-around, gonna be livin' his life a dead 'un all from here on out of it. Gonna romp in the deep a the night wit' the others a that sort, devils in diapers, ghostly friends, 'n' all that all.

Me, I'm just gonner lay back and enjoy my unearned riches.

Skelprise!

2009-11-09T12:02:00.002-05:00

Ha! This far into November, you thought you were safe at last from skellertons! So not so! This one has clearly snucken on up in back of you, with malice of intent! To scare!

So scared, you are!

A Day for the Dead

2009-11-01T13:14:00.002-05:00

I'm not Mexican, nor ever have been, but that's no reason why I can't celebrate November 1st with a funky skellerton. Like this guy.

The Season of the Ghost!

2009-10-31T16:11:00.007-05:00

Happy Hallowe'en, all y'all! Here's a bunch a ghosts 'n' the like! Boo, eh?

Now go on out there and get scared!

Quentin - rough draft

2009-10-30T10:59:00.002-05:00

When he was just 4 years old, Quentin here got himself a spiffy spider mask to wear for Hallowe'en. He loved it so, and it earned him a heaping bag of candy. So, when the next year rolled by, he wore it again, and once more received a bag full to bursting. And year after year, Qentin wore that same mask, again and again, and again, until finally it became his own face. And year after year, he slowly got less and less candy. And now, here he is, waiting for a bus somewhere, clutching a paper bag containing the last, few, precious dregs of his candy. Candy he can't even eat, for now his mouthparts are only capable of ingesting the fluids of insects and the occasional toad or small bird, animals which Quentin has little ability to catch.

And so he sits, and clutches his candy, and remembers bags overflowing with taffies and lollipops and rockets and jubes. He can no longer smile at the memories, or cry over the days long gone. But he remembers. And he sits. And he clutches.

And perhaps eats the occasional toad. Or small bird.

Grackle - rough draft

2009-10-29T11:01:00.002-05:00

Beware the Grackle, a dreaded dweller of the night with the defleshed body of a human and the head of a grackle. Okay, so maybe a better name would be "The Grackleton", but it's already far too late. This thing's been around for years, I tell you. No use muttering about it's name. Anyhow, there's a horrible nasty thing about it's flute and a dance that I was going to warn you all about, but now I'm not going to tell you. You'll just have to chance it. Fine.

Hallowe'en Battle - Who Will Win?!?!?

2009-10-28T10:53:00.003-05:00

Blade, the psychotic yet sympathetic killer puppet from the Puppet Master series of films?

Or this angry weirdo with his little bat pal?

You decide!

What's Hallowe'en wid'out the CANDY?

2009-10-27T09:41:00.003-05:00

Hee hee, looka these li'l guys! Suckers 'n' gumdrops 'n' life savers, all havin' a lovely ol' time, dancin' an' gay (in the old-fashioned sense).

Uh oh, things are gettin' outta hand . . . Someone let some healthy snacks in there, and Mr. Pretzel in particular will have no truck with that sort of thing. You might wanna take a hike there, Uncle Muffin!

Oh! Oh dear. It's Roland, the frankfurter, known for his foul temper and wild ways. He really knows how to get a situation outta hand. Well, boys 'n' girls, it's a good thing you don't need the candies to be alive in order to enjoy 'em!

Osberne - rough draft

2009-10-26T10:32:00.002-05:00

Osberne wanders the dark, deep forests of eastern Europe, feasting only on the flesh of unrepentant murderers. Of which there are few currently residing in the deep, dark forests. And so Osberne remains oh, so hungry, and quite foul-tempered.

Hallowe'en comin' atcha . . . with MONSTERS.

2009-10-25T21:44:00.005-05:00

A Crazy Little Demon

2009-10-23T13:48:00.004-05:00

You know, it's possible that some day I will fulfill my dream of making a cartoon of Screamin' Jay Hawkins' song "Little Demon" . . . if this were to happen, the demon in question will most likely look much like this li'l guy here, who he is.

Also, it's Hallowe'en season, so I thought he'd enjoy kickin' off my All Hallows posts. Although he doesn't seem to enjoy much.

Ain't he a little stinker?

Dresmond Carbone - Unhaltable Solver of Things

2009-09-25T12:18:00.002-06:00

If you have any sort of problem, difficulty, issue, riddle, or uncomfortable situation, Dresmond can rustle up and rattle off a solution of rather ingenious proportions. His implacable intellect
can think it’s sly way around any conceivable barrier your imagination can imagine. That said,
it may take him a while. For example, he’s been working on his current dilemma since the age of 9.

(excerpted from Dr. Royce Bean's The Misfortunates Vol II - A Pile of Banal Abnormality)

FomC - 6.2.7 &1/2 - Far from neugen 1, done at last

2009-08-30T12:43:00.005-06:00

Here we go, one last time! And, for shirts and gurgles, this time all the captions will be random sentences from Walden by Henry David Thoreau!

"If they cannot understand that, they cannot understand much that I have to say."

"It is one of the oldest scenes stamped on my memory."

"How surprised must the fishes be to see this ungainly visitor from another sphere speeding his way amid their schools!"

"During the fast they abstain from from the gratification of every appetite and passion whatever."

"Why do precisely these objects we behold make a world?"

And there we have it, the end of yet another so-called journey. I hope you had more fun than I did!

End Section Whole Damn Thing.

FomC - 6.2 - far from neugen 1 contin'.

2009-08-28T12:34:00.006-06:00

Let's just pick up where we left off, shall we? Only slightly more captioned, because I like to.

Yep, this guy's already sick of the entire ordeal. Too bad, we ain't even halfways!

I so enjoy drawing big gross flies. Witches, I'm more lukewarm. But you have to do what's necessary, don't you?

A brief commercial break. Ha! More like commercial broken.

This one's up to you.

Well, yeah.

Ooh, I like this one! I really do.

End Section Two.

Found on my Computer - 6.0 or so - far from neugen 1

2009-08-26T12:23:00.009-06:00

The true-life photographs in this and the next few posts are all from a long disused file known as "far from neugen 1.fla" I can only assume it was the beginning of a proposed series, that I can only also assume was going to continually get farther and farther away from neugen. Please, follow along with me in your schoolyard notebooks, and when it's all done, let me know how far you feel we've gotten. From, of course, neugen.

End Section One.

. . . a little colour there for y'alls.