The Second-to-Last Picture Show

Portfolio

2011-06-27T10:56:00.005-06:00

These are my framed arts. I sell them.

A Giant Scorpion

2010-04-08T12:17:00.002-06:00

Of course, anyone who really pays any attention knows the truth: The Giant Scorpions were the actual heroes of Clash of the Titans. When you think about it.

Charon, a Ferryman

2010-04-07T15:36:00.002-06:00

Ol' Mr. Charon here was a ferryman way back when being called a ferryman held no other connotations. It's probably for the best he never lived to this day, where such a title could be intentionally misconstrued and used in a hurtful manner. However, being a sort of walking dead, he really didn't dodge that bullet, like, at all. Probably why he speaks softly and carries that big stick.

The Vile Calibos!

2010-04-06T09:07:00.002-06:00

Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging Calibos based on his unfortunate appearance. After all, that's a curse from Zeus and hardly his own fault at all. Neither am I judging his actions, which may not be excused but can certainly be understood when his situation is carefully considered. Certainly more misguided and slightly tragic than outright vile, one should think. But. He does live in an icky swamp.

That's vile.

Cerberus . . . or did he?

2010-04-03T00:43:00.004-05:00

Cerberus, of myth, was an enormous 3-headed dog who guarded the gates of Hades (realm of the dead). In Clash of the Titans, on the other hand, Cerberus is a 2-headed wolf who hangs out in some ruins being a jerk. Which is the real truth? Only a Gallup poll could know for certain. And they haven't done one.

Soaring high in the sky . . . !

2010-04-01T13:29:00.002-05:00

No, it's not Astro-Boy! It's Pegasus! What a swell April Fool's gag, setting you up with the misleading title, and then having you believe Astro-Boy had somehow been turned into a winged steed, not unlike the Pegasus himself! Only to find out that it's just the real Pegasus! Oh, how I have made the fool of you as April rises ahead of us.

Anyhow, here's Pegasus, from Clash of the Titans. Yay Titans! Pegasus is often represented to be galloping through the skies. That's ridiculous. Do birds trot along while flying? Does Superman run his legs around whilst soaring to the rescue? No! No! And so neither nor does Pegasus. He gives the ol' pins a rest and leaves 'em dangle like the useless things they are. That's just how it is.

He's got no leash. Who unleashed this kraken?

2010-03-31T16:42:00.003-05:00

The Kraken wanders through his watery lair, I suppose. Soon I'm pretty sure he's going to find another Titan. And then they'll clash, like, a lot.

Will Titans Clash? Hopefully.

2010-03-30T12:18:00.003-05:00

I'm back to the blog! And what could bring me back? Only the most important film of all time! Clash of the Titans returns, triumphantly, to destroy all! This weekend! All week I'll be drawing our favourite Titans! Such as Bubo here, a stupid robot owl from heaven or something.

The Fastest Draw in the North!

2009-12-25T09:01:00.003-05:00

Happy Xmas and Merry Holidays and all that jazz to all of you all!

Fessy Monroser

2009-12-22T08:36:00.002-05:00

Fessy Monroser will complain to anybody about anything. At all. In fact, he will also complain to anything about anybody. I once saw him tell a fire hydrant that Emperor Charlemagne was too short and not nearly alive enough for his tastes. And, of course, when the fire hydrant tried to reason with him, he just started yelling to passers-by that fire hydrants are sexist. By the way, he may attempt to muddy the waters of social discourse with irrational irrelevancies. But then, I suppose that's to be expected . . .

Holiday Cheer Times!

2009-12-15T10:40:00.002-05:00

Well, the holidays are looming low upon us now, and what better way to stir up that Yuletide cheer than with Robo-Cheer-Bot 1292-C! Robo-Cheer-Bot 1292-C is programmed to be the ultimate in cheery holiday fun providing and maintaining! His exhaust fairly reeks of cinnamon and cloves, and his parts are lubricated with authentic old-fashioned home-style nogs, both egg and otherwise! His voice is an electronic amalgamation of Gene Autry, Jim Nabors, and Doris Day, all culled from the festive lyrics of their most famous Christmas Carol-style songs! (With just a hint of Boris Karloff as "The Grinch!"!)! Robo-Cheer-Bot 1292-C's brain is a highly sophisticated piece of wonderfully advanced jolly equipment, composed utterly from recycled stocking stuffers! His hands are designed completely for unwrapping gifts for the elderly and infirm, and are 73% jingle bell! So go ahead on and grab your mitts over Robo-Cheer-Bot 1292-C, for all your finest holiday seasonal joy!

Available exclusively next summer!

The Morose Tale of Peter Henderson

2009-12-11T10:53:00.003-05:00

From the very first day it first touched his tongue for the very first time, Peter Henderson has adored the taste of booze. Any booze. At all. It's just about his favourite thing, second only to the wondrous sensation of losing yourself alongside sobriety as the alcohol systematically takes over your entire being. How terrifically sad, then, that Peter is really only a giant head, with no sort of system of organs or anything to process alcohol. And that his arms are so teeny, he can't really get a bottle near his lips. Thus is he consigned to a purgatory of sombre sobriety.

Also, he ugly.

Ike Punt: Unpleasant Furniture Manufacturer

2009-12-07T11:05:00.002-05:00

Please don't misunderstand. It's not the furniture. The furniture's fine. Hell, it's gorgeous. To die for, as the kids say. And he makes everything. Chairs, couches, tables, end-tables, stools, lamps, even lanterns! Also sofas and chesterfields, not to mention benches and sideboards and bookshelves; plus knick-knack display chests, decorative step-ladders, entertainment centres, and love-seats! He personally inspects all the wood procurement, and demands naught but the very finest animal-hide substitutions. In his hand, mere furniture becomes art - Nay - exceeds art, smashing through the glass ceiling of art to blossom into some new, fabulous hybrid of personal architecture and aesthetic glory!

It's just that he himself is a bit of a twat.

What it Really all Boils Down to.

2009-12-02T11:37:00.002-05:00

Unlike most people, Marvin doesn't have a little angel and devil living on his shoulders. Rather, he's got The Planet Lenny telling him filthy gossip about people he's never met; and then on the other side is Darin Millstrop, who yells convincingly at him about things that really aren't his fault. And if you think about it, that's all any of us really have. Because angels and devils aren't particularly real.

The Greatest Character in All of Fiction

2009-11-30T11:00:00.002-05:00

Ideal for t-shirts, tattoos, and as a model for plastic surgery! The magnificent and splendid Lobot! Able to perform complex calculations in instants, I'm guessing! Loyal to the end, probably! Friendly towards animals, one would like to think! Smooth, calm, and oh-so collected . . . the number one cat we'd all like to be or be with, in all likelihood.

Mr. Parl Steenan Paymbers

2009-11-27T10:57:00.002-05:00

There are men you can trust to return what you lend them. There are men you can trust to get you where you need to go. But when it's that one important, vital, dangerous job that needs to get done, the one job above all others whose difficulty can easily be described as astronomical, a job that can send average folks into paroxysms of spasmodic muttering, a job that simply must get done . . .

There's just one man. Mr. Parl Steenan Paymbers. Honest. Forthright. Rugged. Sombre.

Mr. Parl Steenan Paymbers.

The one man you can trust to fuck your wife.

David Pie

2009-11-25T13:09:00.002-05:00

Ever wonder why everyone likes pie? Why, for the positive attitude, of course! Take David, here. Separated from his brethren like unanesthetized siamese twins with a dull knife, the best thing he has to look forward to is maybe the soothing cool touch of some French Vanilla ice cream before being torn to pieces and devoured. Will it be slow or fast? The answer is yet unknown. And herein lies his secret: David loves a good mystery! He thrills to potentially learning the truth behind life's great unknowns. Which, for his kind, is pretty much whether you'll be eaten slowly or quickly.

However, what no one actually realizes is that David is allergic to whipped cream. Oh, tonight's dessert is going to be one for the books . . .

Poonis Krond

2009-11-20T10:43:00.002-05:00

Yes, it's easy to make fun. After all, "Poonis" is a pretty funny name. But don't you think maybe he's suffered enough? For the luvva Pete, someone dressed this poor fish up in a shirt 'n' pants! That just ain't entirely right . . .

Scort Ruggins

2009-11-18T11:44:00.002-05:00

This here's ol' Scort Ruggins. He don't look like much, but that's okay 'cause there ain't much to 'im. Scorty here was born without teeth, which may be a regular thing to do, only he didn't ever grow any in after that neither. Likes a good straw, he does. Pathologically terrified of shirts. Won't have 'em, not for nothin'! Does have one talent though, in that he's a fantastically talented mime. Sad to say, he don't ever get much use o' that, what with his mimin' with such a thick mime-accent as he's got. And folks round here ain't to fond a mime anyhow.

When he talks, it sounds mostly like a feller walkin' on empty tin cans.

Straight Outta the Record Books!

2009-11-17T10:58:00.002-05:00

It was a tight contest, with Horst Dubendreiner, the German favourite and a particularly surly rib-end, standing head and shoulders for a while above the rest of the enraged pigflesh, but it was exactly this level of competition that pushed a frustrated Fred over the edge. He threw a tantrum and a hissy-fit, and a bowling ball, and bit of Dubendreiner's left earlobe. What a winner!

Starting This Week! On TV! For sure!

2009-11-16T11:43:00.003-05:00

It's North America's favourite ne'er-do-well Brandt Treedman! He's back, and he's Not Quite a Lawyer! See Brandt Treedman slowly consider his next move! Watch Brandt Treedman attempt to defend what would be his client! Witness Brandt Treedman do what he thinks is cross-examining, but bears more resemblance to assembling a cheese sandwich! Ponder Brandt Treedman's general lack of ability!

Not Quite a Lawyer - Only on Television!

The Overlord - Tonight!

2009-11-12T11:36:00.003-05:00

A one-page comic I drew and coloured for a rock musical which I will be going to see tonight. Won't you join me?

Still not convinced? Here's my initial drawings of Blacknight and Knightgirl, in preparation for an entire page of drawings, as seen above. Notice how these preparatory drawings seem so much more fun and lively than the finished work. That's frustrating, eh?

The Knightmobile, on the other hand, looks way better in the final piece. Once again, I manage to surprise myself, for good and for ill. If only that were the car I was driving to the show. Still, no reason you shouldn't go. C'mon, take in a play! It's awesome!

Bigface Bare Bones

2009-11-10T09:31:00.003-05:00

Why, if it isn't Li'l Jimmy Bigface, only without he ain't got no skin on him. Now where on Heck's Green Earth do you think he woulda left alla that skin 'n' muscles and whatnot what usually goes to makin' up a body's body? I ast him, only he said what how it din't even matter none, as he was done in on all that jazz-around, gonna be livin' his life a dead 'un all from here on out of it. Gonna romp in the deep a the night wit' the others a that sort, devils in diapers, ghostly friends, 'n' all that all.

Me, I'm just gonner lay back and enjoy my unearned riches.

Skelprise!

2009-11-09T12:02:00.002-05:00

Ha! This far into November, you thought you were safe at last from skellertons! So not so! This one has clearly snucken on up in back of you, with malice of intent! To scare!

So scared, you are!

A Day for the Dead

2009-11-01T13:14:00.002-05:00

I'm not Mexican, nor ever have been, but that's no reason why I can't celebrate November 1st with a funky skellerton. Like this guy.

The Season of the Ghost!

2009-10-31T16:11:00.007-05:00

Happy Hallowe'en, all y'all! Here's a bunch a ghosts 'n' the like! Boo, eh?

Now go on out there and get scared!

Quentin - rough draft

2009-10-30T10:59:00.002-05:00

When he was just 4 years old, Quentin here got himself a spiffy spider mask to wear for Hallowe'en. He loved it so, and it earned him a heaping bag of candy. So, when the next year rolled by, he wore it again, and once more received a bag full to bursting. And year after year, Qentin wore that same mask, again and again, and again, until finally it became his own face. And year after year, he slowly got less and less candy. And now, here he is, waiting for a bus somewhere, clutching a paper bag containing the last, few, precious dregs of his candy. Candy he can't even eat, for now his mouthparts are only capable of ingesting the fluids of insects and the occasional toad or small bird, animals which Quentin has little ability to catch.

And so he sits, and clutches his candy, and remembers bags overflowing with taffies and lollipops and rockets and jubes. He can no longer smile at the memories, or cry over the days long gone. But he remembers. And he sits. And he clutches.

And perhaps eats the occasional toad. Or small bird.

Grackle - rough draft

2009-10-29T11:01:00.002-05:00

Beware the Grackle, a dreaded dweller of the night with the defleshed body of a human and the head of a grackle. Okay, so maybe a better name would be "The Grackleton", but it's already far too late. This thing's been around for years, I tell you. No use muttering about it's name. Anyhow, there's a horrible nasty thing about it's flute and a dance that I was going to warn you all about, but now I'm not going to tell you. You'll just have to chance it. Fine.

Hallowe'en Battle - Who Will Win?!?!?

2009-10-28T10:53:00.003-05:00

Blade, the psychotic yet sympathetic killer puppet from the Puppet Master series of films?

Or this angry weirdo with his little bat pal?

You decide!

What's Hallowe'en wid'out the CANDY?

2009-10-27T09:41:00.003-05:00

Hee hee, looka these li'l guys! Suckers 'n' gumdrops 'n' life savers, all havin' a lovely ol' time, dancin' an' gay (in the old-fashioned sense).

Uh oh, things are gettin' outta hand . . . Someone let some healthy snacks in there, and Mr. Pretzel in particular will have no truck with that sort of thing. You might wanna take a hike there, Uncle Muffin!

Oh! Oh dear. It's Roland, the frankfurter, known for his foul temper and wild ways. He really knows how to get a situation outta hand. Well, boys 'n' girls, it's a good thing you don't need the candies to be alive in order to enjoy 'em!

Osberne - rough draft

2009-10-26T10:32:00.002-05:00

Osberne wanders the dark, deep forests of eastern Europe, feasting only on the flesh of unrepentant murderers. Of which there are few currently residing in the deep, dark forests. And so Osberne remains oh, so hungry, and quite foul-tempered.

Hallowe'en comin' atcha . . . with MONSTERS.

2009-10-25T21:44:00.005-05:00

A Crazy Little Demon

2009-10-23T13:48:00.004-05:00

You know, it's possible that some day I will fulfill my dream of making a cartoon of Screamin' Jay Hawkins' song "Little Demon" . . . if this were to happen, the demon in question will most likely look much like this li'l guy here, who he is.

Also, it's Hallowe'en season, so I thought he'd enjoy kickin' off my All Hallows posts. Although he doesn't seem to enjoy much.

Ain't he a little stinker?

Dresmond Carbone - Unhaltable Solver of Things

2009-09-25T12:18:00.002-06:00

If you have any sort of problem, difficulty, issue, riddle, or uncomfortable situation, Dresmond can rustle up and rattle off a solution of rather ingenious proportions. His implacable intellect
can think it’s sly way around any conceivable barrier your imagination can imagine. That said,
it may take him a while. For example, he’s been working on his current dilemma since the age of 9.

(excerpted from Dr. Royce Bean's The Misfortunates Vol II - A Pile of Banal Abnormality)

FomC - 6.2.7 &1/2 - Far from neugen 1, done at last

2009-08-30T12:43:00.005-06:00

Here we go, one last time! And, for shirts and gurgles, this time all the captions will be random sentences from Walden by Henry David Thoreau!

"If they cannot understand that, they cannot understand much that I have to say."

"It is one of the oldest scenes stamped on my memory."

"How surprised must the fishes be to see this ungainly visitor from another sphere speeding his way amid their schools!"

"During the fast they abstain from from the gratification of every appetite and passion whatever."

"Why do precisely these objects we behold make a world?"

And there we have it, the end of yet another so-called journey. I hope you had more fun than I did!

End Section Whole Damn Thing.

FomC - 6.2 - far from neugen 1 contin'.

2009-08-28T12:34:00.006-06:00

Let's just pick up where we left off, shall we? Only slightly more captioned, because I like to.

Yep, this guy's already sick of the entire ordeal. Too bad, we ain't even halfways!

I so enjoy drawing big gross flies. Witches, I'm more lukewarm. But you have to do what's necessary, don't you?

A brief commercial break. Ha! More like commercial broken.

This one's up to you.

Well, yeah.

Ooh, I like this one! I really do.

End Section Two.

Found on my Computer - 6.0 or so - far from neugen 1

2009-08-26T12:23:00.009-06:00

The true-life photographs in this and the next few posts are all from a long disused file known as "far from neugen 1.fla" I can only assume it was the beginning of a proposed series, that I can only also assume was going to continually get farther and farther away from neugen. Please, follow along with me in your schoolyard notebooks, and when it's all done, let me know how far you feel we've gotten. From, of course, neugen.

End Section One.

. . . a little colour there for y'alls.

Found on my Computer - ROT

2009-08-21T20:04:00.012-06:00

Yes, Rot. As I recall, this was an idea for a magazine or similar type junk. I just uncovered it a couple o weeks ago, and have decided to drag you on a tour of it, using the best of my recollection. First off, we have our logo. Ripped off from Joe Kubert's "Tor", I went the extra mile by not even finishing it. Like, at all. Still, what an O that is. This should give you an inkling of the quality work to follow.

My best guess: Letters page? Well, I hope it's a letters page. I like to think my terrible magazine will be read by birds, who will send us their thoughts and feelings. Also, that guy in the hat.

Clearly a statement on my entire life. Probably some sort of "About the Author" . . .

This idea is "Ideas". The surest sign I'm already running out of ideas.

A man meets a tiny devil. Note that this devil is nowhere near anyone's shoulder. Totally avant garde.

Yeah, I have no clue. Not even a one.

This would most likely seem to be a prediction of any publisher to whom I might take this swell proposition of magazinery.

This one I remember well. It's a cover concept for an early issue. It would seem I was in a particularly sunny mood that day. Who wouldn't buy an upbeat magazine such as this?

I don't know what it was for at the time, but currently reflects my attitude towards "Rot". If you love it, set it free. This is my way of setting it free. I'd really rather it didn't come back to me.

Or it might be something about a bird in the hand fleeing for the bush. Seriously, this was a while ago.

The star of the show! (?)
Maybe? (!)

And that's how it ends. Doubtless a subliminal message from myself indicating that the entire project was never meant to be.

And there you have it! Sure, hey, it's not my most well thought out plan, but . . . well, yeah. It is, in fact, by far my most well thought out plan. Now you know why I'm not in charge of magazines!

Illustration Friday - Wrapped

2009-08-18T12:31:00.003-06:00

FOMC prt 4B - stufnnonsens the Seconded

2009-08-17T23:17:00.000-06:00

6. See, now, the problem here is one of context. Could be, everything's fine. That said, careful inspection of the clues reveals Clint, here, is at a Barry Manilow concert being put on for surly reptiles. Dig a mite deeper, and you'll also realize that he has coated his hide in Moroccan spices and is about to bake himself in an oven at 477 degrees for 44 and 1/2 minutes. Not a wise decision for one who claims he'll win the Pulitzer Prize in 2014. Not hardly at all.

7. Harold Jordan, sometime pilot, was judged by an item of cosmic jewelry to be utterly honest and completely without fear. And so great and unlikely power was bestowed upon him to maintain peace and order in a huge portion of cosmic space, while he mostly stuck around home and palled around with aliens and detectives and women. Also there's a magic lamp.

8. Here we see Lt. Jordan attempting to use his cosmically green energy to disguise himself as little-known accountant Pintry Hornbrewer, with only mild success. And for no reason, either.

9. Name, or description? You decide. But if you're wrong, it comes out of your pay. So think it over.

10. Calvin Spencer, costume designer for the Huntley Theatre Company in Upton County, had just found out that his rent will be raised by an inordinate amount. Soon, he will take this matter to the local tenancy board, in hopes that it will constitute a breach of contract, as regards the status of his lease. It will be a long and arduous task, fraught with frustration and anxieties of many kinds.

11. The same, without the lines.

Found on my computer prt 4A - stufnnonsens the First

2009-08-15T22:59:00.000-06:00

Stuff and nonsense to be sure! A Flash file, the frames of which would seem to be brief glimpses into an unfurnished mind. Or, perhaps, hindered predictions of the world to follow. I will attempt to decipher the images one at a time. In two stages. Also one at a time.

1. At first glance, this man might seem a monster. Further inspection, though, reveals the arrow points rahter specifically to his mustache. Implying, thereby, that the mustache is the monster. Thereupon, further, appearances fairly dictate, that judging by his expression, he is completely unaware that there is a monster on his face. Moreso, thereafter, he must not even realize that he no longer comes across as cleanly shorn of facial growth, thus potentially quite a devastating turn of events should he attempt to interview for employment positions, wrangle a date from a sightly lass of even virtue, or devour a bowl of affectionate soup.

Monstrous.

2. Now that's just sad.

3. A gentleman, presumably named Helfry Strombord, enjoys stars to such a terrific extent that he wholeheartedly approves of even the most ineptly rendered ones he can find. Frankly unappealing.

4. Once, perhaps . . . but no, alas, no longer.

5. Mr. Strenuous Woppings of Dundover Pond Blvd. does dearly love to impersonate the sounds and smells of African wildlifes, as they would come across if they were miniature automata composed of exotic and costly metals. But I wish he wouldn't.

Found on my computer prt 3 - walrus

2009-08-13T22:54:00.000-06:00

Oh yes, he seems affable enough. Fairly pleasant. Folksy, even. But how much do we really know about walruses, really? Do they generally wear pants? What are their long-range goals? Do they like the taste of fish, or the convenience? Are the tusks voluntary? So many questions, and yet his only answer remains a gently wave of what isn't even quite a hand. No, I'm not advising hatred.

Merely a heightened sense of caution . . .

Found on my computer prt 2 - Movie 17

2009-08-11T22:50:00.000-06:00

So, this relic makes the extravagant claim of being the 17th movie. I consider this highly unlikely, as movies were not in colour until they had made hundreds of them. Be that as it may, it certainly seems to be quite entertaining. My challenge to you, dear reader, is to determine what this numerically nomenclatured film is actually about. Feel free to use your wits, imagination, or sheer gumption, follow your heart, spleen, or middle toe. But be warned - it may not actually be a movie at all . . .

Found on my computer prt 1 - gretlick

2009-08-10T22:43:00.001-06:00

I've owned my own computer for nigh on a decade now. It still runs Windows 98, and I have relatively few complaints. Yes, it is finicky about which DVDs it will play and when. Yes, it prefers smaller PhotoShop files. But I'm a humble man. I guess, or something. Anyhow, one fun aspect of a long-standing computer is performing virtual archaeology and digging up things barely forgotten and nearly remembered alike. Such as this fellow. According to the file name, he may be called gretlick. Which sounds rather interesting, until it becomes apparent that he is definitely not interesting. So, enough about him.

Creepy Spookums Galore!

2009-08-06T22:32:00.006-06:00

Leon craves a midnight snack, and goes wandering through the halls in search of the long-lost kitchen. He thinks about mouse tails and peanut butter sushi and beef fried toenail clippings and other things he'd rather not eat. This spoils his appetite altogether, and he curls up to slumber atop a pile of mostly pillows.

At nearly the same time, Henry has just finished writing his name on the wall of his cave-like room, far off down another corridor of this probably pestilential dwelling that sprawls across the marshes or something. Henry enjoys the act of writing, specifically in the genre of his name. But Henry has a secret. A potentially quite terrifying secret indeed. Come in closer, my dears . . .

Oh no, closer still, much much closer than that. Really come right on in there, and you will certainly see . . .

Why, it's "television's" The Fonz!

First Appearance!

2009-07-28T06:36:00.000-06:00

Calum Johnston, strange owner of Strange Adventures, was my strange boss for a strange time. He once had a 40th birthday (strange!), and for that strange occasion, a stranger named Superman took him for a quick, albeit strange, airplane ride. Some were distressed by this, others, a dog.

This collector's plate is hand-crafted to commemorate this strange event, or at least it would be if it were a collector's plate.
It's not.

Skeletor

2009-07-25T06:30:00.000-06:00

Clarence Annendale Skeletor is an amicable sort, prone to bouts of flower-sniffing and animal-petting. When not scarfing candy at the local sock hop, he may be found barreling down the hill in his soap-box racer! Always one to tell a solid riddle, the gang all flock to listen to his sonorous voice, or hear him chortle with boyish glee upon kicking Beast-Man square in the tuchas.
Never a square moment with this feller around!

A Man Interrupting His Own Hamburger

2009-07-22T06:26:00.001-06:00

SignalNoise Advert

2009-07-18T00:02:00.002-06:00

Well, I don't know why I didn't put this up sooner, but anyhows, this here is a li'l commercial I made for www.signalnoise.com, a website belonging to my good friend and known roustabout James White. I even did his own voice for him!

With gracious thanks to Jay Ward and Hostess Twinkies for all their inspiration.

Gosh, Where Have I Been?

2009-07-15T17:19:00.008-06:00

Busy, that's where! So lay off me, man. Yeesh. Anyhow, here's a drawing I did for the Draw Parker contest over at Darwyn Cooke's blog.

And while working on that, I had the idea for this:

But, not wanting to ballot-stuff, I decided to retain it for usage up in heres. I'm really fond of this piece, as it ably demonstrates my complete lack of working knowledge regarding automobile interiors.

So come on back later and I'll start putting pictures up on heres like I usedta.
Fun!

Ho-Ho-Holidays!

2008-12-24T00:25:00.008-05:00

As my gift to all of you all, I will take you on a trip through my creative process in making a seasonal greeting image, like for a card.

We start with an old-timey Nicholas St. Christmas. Nice, but it's been done.

I like the image, but too philospohical.

Simple. Almost too simple.

. . . definitely too simple.

Then I ate a cookie.

Man, this is hard.

You know what, sure. Fine. I'm tired, go with it.

Happy Xmas and Holiday-time funworks for every one of you that there is!

From me!

Lost, and then not lost. Again.

2008-09-25T21:32:00.005-06:00

Chat 'em Up Laff 'em Ups!

2008-08-14T22:53:00.001-06:00

Another video! More of the same! And with more than ever before, as well!

caution: May contain salty language.

Sound + Vision

2008-08-08T18:17:00.002-06:00

Hey look, it's a thing I made some time back. All I had to do was haul it out, dust it off, and pretty up the edges a little, spruce it up good as new!

Let's all enjoy it, shall we?

Ice-Cream Clown

2008-07-25T21:50:00.000-06:00

Based, of course, on that classic urban legend simply everybody has heard . . .

The Rev. Jesse Custer

2008-07-22T21:44:00.000-06:00

A birthday present for a friend. I wasn't intending it to look so much like a Steve Dillon drawing, but it was a pleasant surprise that it did.

The Argyle Bar & Grill tabletop, December 1942 or so

2008-07-19T21:41:00.000-06:00

The truth, at last comes out . . .

2008-07-16T21:37:00.000-06:00

And now you know!

Grubert Loy

2008-07-13T21:28:00.001-06:00

No, he's not a doctor, but he thinks he is! Does that count for nothing anymore?

The Magnificent Mary Marvel!

2008-07-10T21:20:00.002-06:00

I was inspired by Jose Luis Garcia Lopez when I drew ol' Mary here.

And apparently inspired by cartoon trees when I drew those clouds.

A Man Apart

2008-07-07T10:29:00.000-06:00

Diggy Graskill here would gladly beat you up, only he hasn't got the time. Only 'cause he's got better things to do with himself. There's a tire in his neighbour's back yard. Oh, and some carnies to be dealt with. Plus, that tobacco farm on route 108. You know, what with the eucalyptus and all. Yep.

One busy guy.

Nervous Reg

2008-07-04T10:19:00.000-06:00

Poor old Regimund van Beulendorp, he just can't seem to relax. He's tried everything, from herbal teas to not living in a haunted house, but he just can't manage to get off of being on edge all the time. Now, I do have a habit of cramming coffee beans into his every orifice while he sleeps, but I refuse to take responsibility for this!

Or anything ever!

The Toughes Little Nutcase in the Nieghbourhood!

2008-07-01T11:59:00.002-06:00

Meet Biffy Craffington! He hates you. He hates most people. He likes to beat them up, when he can. Which is fairly often. He once beat up a Ford station wagon. And an oak tree. But he never, ever beats up ponies. He really, really likes ponies. Only, don't ever let on that you know this.

Or he'll beat you up.

A Brand New Day For Tibby!

2008-06-27T10:45:00.002-06:00

Tibothy Mantrews has just woken up and gotten out of bed. The time is 6 PM, and he was supposed to be at work at 8 in the morning. Yesterday. He is standing in the bathroom, just seconds away from discovering that his toilet is mysteriously clogged with an inordinate number of daffodils. Five minutes after finally failing to solve that problem, he will discover a note from his dog. The note reads, simply: "It's over. It's not me, it's you." He will never know the terrible reason why he slept so tremendously long, and probably neither will you.

To be continued . . . ?

Douglas Sanderson

2008-06-20T10:14:00.002-06:00

A real old-fashioned guy, there's nothing Dougie here likes more than feelin' the sun beat down on the back of his neck while doin' on honest days work on the farm. How sad, then, that he is a horrible robot roaming through the atoomic wasteland of our world's future.

Little Tan Diefenhauser

2008-05-17T22:07:00.002-06:00

Well well, will you look at who just won Best Place at the School Carnival!

Coming Soon: The Movie of the Year!

2008-05-07T23:43:00.003-06:00

See the eternal struggle of Man vs. Pear

See fear beyond the power of imagining!

See: Birdhog Day: The Movie!

The Final Installment of the Werewolf Trilogy!

2008-05-02T09:54:00.004-06:00

The inaugural card of my upcoming trading card set: Halifax Horrors! This set will feature beloved local fixtures (i.e. my friends) as all variety of terror monsters! Hooha! It may take some time, as I am a "busy" "man", but it's gonna be awesome!
Hooha!

front

back

Green Acres: 2008

2008-04-29T21:57:00.001-06:00

This ain't your daddy's Green Acres!

Or mine, really. Not a big fan . . .

An old job

2008-04-22T22:42:00.002-06:00

Yes, it's true, I was the original concept designer for the Jack Nicholson film Wolf. Unfortunately, this was the design for James Spader, and he hated it.

I will get you, Spader.

SPiFFY!

2008-04-12T23:32:00.002-06:00

I guess that's really all there is to say about this one . . .

Based on a ture story . . .

2008-04-07T10:04:00.002-06:00

. . . well, not especially true . . .

This genuinely happened to me.

2008-03-29T21:52:00.002-06:00

Growrl.

2008-03-27T23:27:00.004-05:00

Sometimes you have this vague but solid idea in your head, and then you put pen to paper and there it is, just as you'd hoped and dreamed. Picture perfect. This fine furry fellow here is just exactly one such of a time. And I know exactly what I want to do with him, too. I only need to figure out how, when, and why . . .

Keep your peepers peeled, people.

This is just the sort of thing that happens.

2008-03-23T22:08:00.001-05:00

Crazy Cat Lady!

2008-03-09T00:01:00.003-05:00

Hey there all you groovy kids and hepsters, it's that slick, swingin' thief-in-the-night Selina Kyle! She just popped by to say, "Folks, stealin' is aalllll riiiight!" And now who's a-gonna argue with that lady, hah?

It's everyone's favourite children's book!

2008-03-03T12:12:00.003-05:00

Do you remember this one? Sure you do! A sweet tale of life, loss, remembrance, trust, rebirth, collard greens, and family. I can't believe they let it go out of print after all those kids got paper-cuts.

Okay Randy sez: "It's okay!"

2008-02-25T13:04:00.003-05:00

Feelin' down? Feelin' blue?
Just call ol' Okay Randy! Okay Randy is always there for ya, just to let you know, it's okay. Or, if it's clearly not okay, it's going to be okay.
Worried about your mortgage? It's okay.
Your brother's lost at sea? It's okay.
There's a hurricane a-comin' and you live in a poorly constructed tent? It's okay.

Honestly, Okay Randy doesn't have a very clear, precise view of how the world really is, but sometimes that's a comfort. Other times, well jeez, just don't call him.

The Oddest of Couples

2008-02-18T00:16:00.003-05:00

Surely you've oft-times wondered aloud to yourself in public "What on earth would it be like if Bruce Banner's alter-ego The Incredible Hulk were to share an apartment with Ben Grimm, alias The Thing?" I know I haven't. You weirdo. But, fortunately, you will soon have the answer to your vaguely unhealthy question, when I finish my new short film for "Producer" Calum Johnston.

But I'm still working on it, so don't hold your breath just yet.

A Few of My Favourite Randoms . . .

2008-02-09T15:04:00.000-05:00

Compare and Contrast

2008-02-07T23:54:00.000-05:00

This man does not read my blog.
He has no friends, they've all abandoned him over the years, and none of his relatives acknowledge his existence. He hates his job and his job hates him. His odour resembles foul dogs. The local bank is embezzling his funds on general principles. Donuts go sour in his presence.

This fine young fellow, on the other hand, lives a chipper, cheerful life in every possible manner. Kind, optimistic, and as lucky as seven ducks, he gets along with everyone and can make small children grow up to be doctors just by grinning at them.
Photos of him never fade in the sun.

He doesn't read my blog either, so I'm not really sure what the difference is there . . .

The Vice-President of Chicken Drumsticks

2008-02-04T13:30:00.001-05:00

Dateline: North Underbrookston

Beustace "Potentate" Whifflehorse has just won the regional elections here in Collard County, Nebraska, making him the new Vice-President of Chicken Drumsticks. Beustace, best known for his portrayal of Sheriff Bartle Munt in 1983's "Cow-time Supper for the Steppinum St. Choir and Haberdashery", recently entered gastronomical politics after an emergency operation left him unable to receive acting awards. Reigning VP Dorn Pelligroot was disappointed to lose the election, but looks forward to a brief, uneventful retirement, followed by the silent respite of the grave.

Two men and a tire.

2008-02-03T15:57:00.001-05:00

I'm hoping we can get Steve Guttenburg for the movie.

Mr. Ricklemun

2008-01-31T16:48:00.001-05:00

Oh boy, Mr. Ricklemun sure is angry today! What could possibly have gotten him so all-fire riled up? What indeed . . . uh oh, it looks like

Oh Mildo, when will you learn to learn?

Pac-Man.

2008-01-31T01:36:00.001-05:00

Sullivan & Gilbert

2008-01-28T16:42:00.000-05:00

"Hey, check out my spiffy new plunging neckline!" says plucky young Sullivan Kincaid.

"I don't know, it seems awfully revealing," replies his pal, the stalwart Gilbert Jones.

Illustration Friday

2008-01-23T17:12:00.001-05:00

Yes, I'm well aware that it's Wednesday. But that's what they call it. I dunno, I've never done it before. For full details, go to www.illustrationfriday.com.

This week's word is: plain.

The Giggler

2008-01-22T21:05:00.001-05:00

This here is Myron Stotler, AKA The Giggler! An undisclosed freak accident left him with a unique ability: his infectious laugh. Anyone who catches so much as a chuckle from his nefarious mouth will find themselves incapacitated with uncontrollable fits of laughter. He uses this hideous talent to rob banks.

Which he is clearly on his way to do, as those sacks are obviously empty.

Jennifer and Walt

2008-01-21T14:13:00.001-05:00

In the end, they never really got anywhere, but they were happy nonetheless.

"General" Rophus Von Arturo

2008-01-20T14:32:00.001-05:00

Although it is unknown yet at this date whether Rophus is officially a hobo or not, one thing is indeed certain: He is not really a general. That said, he has led several armies into battle, both alongside and against hobos, and is highly decorated. So he's a lot like a real general. He just isn't one. Not really.

Business As Usual

2008-01-19T15:07:00.001-05:00

I know it's hard to tell, but those are bananas. Possibly the worst bananas I've ever drawn. Shameful, I know, but I believe I've mentioned previously: I hate bananas.

Boys

2008-01-17T16:00:00.001-05:00

This boy is kind, respectful, and tidy. He enjoys toy construction equipment, tools, and Legos. His favourite flavour of ice cream is strawberry.

This boy is 137 feet tall and can bite through solid-steel-reinforced concrete. He enjoys cartoons about animals who fight and biting through solid-steel-reinforced concrete. His favourite colour is twelve.

Di-Stiller-y

2008-01-15T20:53:00.000-05:00

Here for your perusal are some sketches I did way back when first discovering the long-lost Ben Stiller Show, a fine piece of sketch comedy laff-em-uppery. First up, we have Vaughn, who, contrary to some rumour-mongering, is not a robot.

Next, we have Spider, as played by Andy Dick. He's one of the rumour-mongers. Tsk tsk.

Now, if you're wondering why Charles Manson looks a little off-key here, it's actually Bob Odenkirk. He's pretending to be Charles Manson for the purposes of satire. Wonderful!

Last, and maybe least, we have one of Ben Stiller's own characters. I think it's The Annoying Man Who Bothers Celebrities In Restaurants, but don't hold me to that. Also, I haven't the foggiest notion why I wrote "Ancient History" there. If you have any clues as to what the reason may be, please call our Crime-Stopper Hotline! You may just help Solve a Mystery . . .

The Sheriff of Glottnigham

2008-01-14T11:31:00.001-05:00

Awful, awful Corgac Jim Blauffingorst became sheriff of our fair hamlet some nine years ago, promising to bring law to this corner of the world. Sadly, most of his laws concern our providing him with as much smoked fish as he is willing to eat.

He is a very willing individual.

And again . . .

2008-01-12T15:24:00.000-05:00

Oh man, now I think he's gonna kick that dog. What a jerk!

Our beloved frankfurter returns.

2008-01-09T20:55:00.001-05:00

Roland's back, and boy, is he still mad! What on earth could this guy have done? I don't know, but if a feller's got a shirt already made says that on it, odds are he probly already knows. Not the type to be trusted, I guess is what I'm sayin' . . .

And things keep goin' the way they keep goin' . . .

2008-01-07T11:31:00.001-05:00

Yes, it all seems straightforward enough, but upon closer inspection you will notice that the seagull only has one wing, and therefore is about to crash into the trash-can and grievously wound Flouncy Larry, which will then cause Herman "No-Arms" Herman to panic about in a panicky manner, tripping Pinkerton Pete, who will then set all everything on fire with his burning head. And that's how it goes . . .

Dan the Awful Astronaut

2008-01-06T21:44:00.001-05:00

Dan meant well, and he was good at his job, but he nonetheless smelled permanently foul and had a voice like seventeen fingernails on twelve blackboards. He also had a tendency to tell rambling, overlong stories about polyps. It is for this reason especially that the other astronauts would regularly toss random tools out of the airlocks. Dan, being an eager beaver, would always rush out to retrieve said tools, and never once suspected.

All of this is true.

Stubert

2008-01-04T20:09:00.001-05:00

This is Stubert.
He and I are not talking anymore.

The History of the Phone - Part The Future

2008-01-01T22:37:00.001-05:00

Still, it's a true thought that nothing lasts forever, and someday soon when our entire socio-technological infrastructure comes crashcading down around our coddled little heads, the time will arise for a new breed of ingenuity-havers to lead the way. And, since we'll be eating a lot of canned food, there's really only one way to go . . .